The Empty Head

The Vampire Robots

It was nearly Molly's bedtime. She padded into the bathroom on bare feet, brushed her teeth and got a glass of water. She was just getting into bed when her father came in to say good-night.

“Daddy,” she said, “please tell me a story.” So he started to tell her about the vampire robots.

“But Daddy,” Molly objected. “Wouldn't they be called robot vampires?”

“Not really, honey. You see they were built as vampires. But it's terribly interesting that you should ask that. Lots of people get confused when they think about the vampire robots.” Molly pulled the covers up to her chin and squeezed his hand. She was scared but didn't like to say so.

“Anyway,” he continued, “the vampire robots roamed around the city at night, catching people and sucking their blood out. Everyone was very scared. The police tried to find them and kill them, but you can't kill vampire robots with bullets. The vampire robots killed them instead.”

“And the policemen became vampire robots,” Molly suggested.

“No,” said Molly's father. “For some reason they didn't. They just turned into ordinary vampires. Then the vampire robots killed them again by chopping off their heads. They were mad because the policemen vampires were sucking up all the blood from people and the vampire robots wanted that blood.“

Molly was fascinated. “But what finally happened to the vampire robots?”

“It's pretty scary,” he said, stroking her hair. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”
“Yes,” she said firmly. “I have to know.”

“Well, what they did was, the Robotmakers made some anti-vampire robots because they were sorry about what the vampire robots did, and a lot of people were mad at them for making the vampire robots in the first place.”

“It was stupid of them,” said Molly. “I bet they felt rotten about it.”

“They sure did,” her father agreed. “So then the anti-vampire robots went around the city finding the vampire robots and bashing them in the head with clubs, but this didn't kill them. So they grabbed the vampire robots with their sharp metal claws and sucked out all their blood, which killed them. Then they spit out all the blood so they wouldn't turn into robot vampires.”

Molly yawned. She was so sleepy. “Then all the vampire robots are dead,” she murmured. “But what about the anti-vampire robots?”
“That's a funny thing,” he said, turning out the light and giving her a good-night kiss. “The anti-vampire robots turned into robot vampires, even though they spit out the blood.”

“Oh, no!”

“Yes, it's true I'm afraid. And they started sucking people's blood out just like the vampire robots and everyone was tremendously angry with the Robotmakers for being so stupid again, and some even said that they wished the robot vampires would kill the Robotmakers. But then the Robotmakers came up with their best idea yet. They made a special kind of acid and put it in thousands of little test tubes. They gave everyone a test tube, and on the test tubes were little stickers that said anti-robot vampire acid. Then they said that everyone should drink the acid. At first people didn't want to, but then they did, and when the robot vampires attacked them and started to drink their blood, the robot vampire's metal bodies dissolved because of the acid that got into people's blood, and they died screaming because it hurt so much. But all that was a long time ago. Now they're all dead, the vampire robots and the anti-vampire robots who turned into robot vampires, so you don't have to be afraid.”

“Oh good,” said Molly. “That makes me feel so much better.” She closed her eyes and soon was fast asleep. Her father sighed. He stood up and crossed the room. Taking a spray bottle full of holy water, he sprayed some on her bedspread and pillow. He drew a silver cross on a silver chain from his pocket and gently placed it around the sleeping child's neck. A voice called to him then, and he went to the window and opened the curtains. In the pearly light of a full moon he saw his wife, her white fangs glowing, her lovely face distorted by an unholy lust for blood. “Come to me!” she cried.

He turned away, shuddering.

“Now if we could just get rid of the non-robot vampires,” he thought.

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